Making that Final College Choice – Taking Those Tours One More Time

29. February 2012 · Write a comment · Categories: College · Tags:

In my ongoing efforts to empty the nest I’ve been patiently waiting along with Fledgling #1 for him to receive his college acceptance notices – and hoping that his final choice will be one of the more affordable options.  The good news  is that he is six for six so far, with one left to go.  The bad news is that he still hasn’t a clue about which of his top three or four options is the ONE!  So what do we do?  We get back in the car and go visit these schools all over again.

It is an interesting process.  Six months or more ago when we made first contact, the visit lasted an hour or two and mostly involved trailing around the campus with a student tour guide and observing empty buildings in the summer or on Saturday mornings while thousands of college students slept in.  Now, he is an official accepted student and the schools are rolling out the red carpet with free meals, overnight visits in the dorms, access to classes, one on one meetings with department chairs, and lots of presentations to parents about how the school will do everything in its power to make sure your kid gets your money’s worth out of the institution.  We love how they promise to help the kids achieve Lives of Consequence and will make sure they Challenge Convention!  I’ll be happy if he just gets a decent job and doesn’t come back to the nest when he is done.

We have to give the colleges and universities credit for making a real effort to win over these accepted students.  Yet, when it comes to making that final decision, even after more than a year of thinking about THE CHOICE  it seems like the final selection is coming down to the general vibe of the schools, with a slight nod to the out of pocket costs.  In a sign of just how much teens mature and change during senior year, the reactions this time around are not always what I expected.

For example, the small liberal arts school that was once a top priority is now feeling really small and overly feminine with its 60/40 ratio of women to men.  Of course he knew that it was small and men were in a minority when he applied but now its hitting home.  Similarly the large state flagship campus with 20,000+ kids located in a major college town doesn’t seem as daunting as it once did – and it has better food, not to mention a smaller price tag, than that small liberal arts mecca.

Sounds like a decision emerging doesn’t it, but, no… what about that slightly larger liberal arts research university located in a rather downtrodden urban location.  It deserves a second look even though we haven’t talked about it for months.  And then the really remote liberal arts school with the great study abroad programs and the drop dead beautiful rural campus just accepted him and deserves another visit as well – including that 6 hour drive each way.

We keep talking about trying to add more structure to the discussion, but, in fact they are all good schools where I’m sure he will thrive.  He, with a little coaching from a few adults, did a good job developing a solid list of possible schools, filling out the applications, writing his Common App essays, participating in interviews and getting this far.

Now, its all on him.  This is a major decision for Fledgling #1 and he needs to own it all the way – whether he opts for the State School with no debt or taking on loans to finance his share of the private college experience.  Its part of letting him fly, so, as much as I can I’m biting my lip, knowing in the end he has to sort it out for himself.  In the meantime, we get in the car and drive to the next destination while keeping our faith in the process, although I can’t wait for May 1st to arrive!

How is your teen making this big decision?  I’m starting to feel pretty envious of those families whose teens were accepted Early Decision to their first choice schools and have been counting the days to graduation since before Christmas.

 

 

Zion National Park Here We Come!

10. February 2012 · Write a comment · Categories: Travel · Tags: ,

Zion National Park PosterAfter much debate, the pull of exploring a new place won out over our impulses to save a few bucks.  So, come spring when the Fledglings are off on service trips of their own, Mama Bird and Papa Bird are going to fly West to see the bright lights of Vegas and the beauty of Zion National Park.  In our younger days, we often took hiking and camping road trips around the Western US but in the last 18 years or so, destinations like Disney and Atlantis and blockbuster National Parks like Yellowstone and Hawaii Volcanoes National Park have won out.

The plane tickets are booked and we are getting busy with planning (at least Mama Bird is).  Unlike the typical vacation with the Fledglings, where I’ve fretted about finding connecting rooms or suites that can accommodate the brood, this time I’m thinking of spinning the wheel on Priceline to see where we end up for our first night, which will be in Las Vegas since we arrive too late to drive up to Zion that night.  We plan to stay in the Park Lodge the rest of the time.

Instead of hustling in the morning to get four people showered and dressed using a single hotel room bathroom, we can ease into the day, check out the Strip and then head out to the Park.  It is a 3 hour drive but we’ll plan some photo ops along the way and take our time with no complaints from the backseat.

Most trips, Papa Bird devotes the majority of his time behind the camera trying to get uncooperative teens to “say cheese”.  This trip, he can take his time to compose some scenic shots.

Another big change – picking hiking trails that are not too tough on tired ankles and backs.  In recent years, we’ve given up trying to hike with the teens cause we hold them back and they get bored waiting for us on the trail.  This is where we can use some advice from readers.  If you can recommend a trail or two in Zion that a couple of out of shape 50 somethings can tackle successfully we’d much appreciate it.

Excited and a little nervous sums it up for me at this point.  Excited to see one of those special American places that has been on my bucket list for years, but a little nervous to be heading in the exact opposite direction of the Fledglings for the better part of a week, even though we know they will be well chaperoned.  Hopefully, after the first day or two we’ll find something to talk about beyond wondering what they are up to.

This will definitely be a different kind of vacation!

Vacation for Two?

28. January 2012 · Write a comment · Categories: Travel · Tags:

After years of planning active vacations designed to keep teens and tweens busy day and night while creating family memories for a lifetime (see our other blog Travel with Teens and Tweens if you are looking for ideas) I’m now considering vacation options for just two, fifty-something baby boomers.  The Fledglings both plan to go out of town on high school service trips for April vacation — leaving Mama and Papa Bird on their own in the nest.  What better time to think about an adult getaway!

The first wave of vacation planning liberation felt great! What a change!  Instead of looking for theme parks and renting condos where we can sleep four and cook meals in, we can think about vacations that feature lazy days, quality restaurants, nights out on the town, and, just a single hotel room.  Along with the cut back in airfare costs, downsizing to a single hotel room opens up all kinds of new possibilities to save money.

For example, now we can take the run of the house options from Priceline or luxury hotel discount sites like Snique Away or Jetsetter.com  Without having to worrying about getting twins vs kings or adjoining rooms or suites to keep track of the teens we can instead consider bed and breakfasts and boutique hotels that are too totally boring for teens.  This vacation is starting to feel like a well deserved bargain already!

But wait, not a day or two after I started pricing trips to Cancun, Vegas and Key West, the guilt trip arrived.  How could we consider an adult only splurge when there are college bills to pay and dental work to be done and the kids will be off doing service projects?  Somehow, when it was time to think about that family vacation it was never a question that we would take time away together.

Now, suddently we are debating whether it is worth the time out of work and the credit card charges.   Papa Bird feels the pressure to be frugal the most while Mama Bird would like to fly a bit. After 18 years, do we deserve it?  With two months to go it will be a last minute decision as we wait for the financial aid award letters and debate splurge vs guilt.

Do you feel guilty spending money to take a vacation without your kids?  Got any advice for frugal vacations that still feel like a treat for grown-ups who are not used to going away on their own?  Let us know your thoughts!

 

Singing the FAFSA Blues: A College Loan Reality Check

16. January 2012 · Write a comment · Categories: College · Tags: ,

Don't forget to take a student loan reality check when planning for collegeAny parent of college-bound teens knows that this is FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) month.  For those not in the loop, the FAFSA is the key form that must be filed to obtain need-based financial aid at virtually every college in the country.  It asks the student to provide details on his or her family’s financial situation, including all parent and student earnings, investments and savings.  About the only thing it doesn’t factor in is retirement accounts and equity in the primary home.  Of course, 250 of the country’s most expensive schools gain insight into those assets as well using another form known as the CSS/Profile, which is brought to you by none other than the College Board.  Those are the the same folks who are making a fortune off standardized testing for college admission - but that is a rant for another day!  At least, as its name implies, the FAFSA is free where as the CSS/Profile is not!

We understand that the government and colleges want to allocate need-based funds as appropriately as possible.  And, clearly they need insight into a family’s financial resources to do so accurately.  However, like almost everything else related to sending your Fledglings to college – the process has taken on a life of its own. This is particularly true when it comes to dictating a timeline that is guaranteed to drive most parents crazy.  Colleges demand information on 2011 income now, despite the fact that the IRS timelines for employers and investment companies to provide end of year data stretches well into February, and tax forms are not due to the government until April.

In our case, most of Fledgling #1′s colleges of choice required a CSS/Profile estimate of 2011 income and assets to be filed last October, before the year even ended.  Now, they require the FAFSA based on 2011 income data to be filed no later than February 1, 2012.  Both the College Board and the FAFSA organization recognize that these deadlines are too early for the student and parents to actually have a completed copy of their 2011 income tax return at hand.  They helpfully suggest that the student (and parent) complete the forms using estimates, then file updates as appropriate.  In reality, this means that the harried parent has to file about 5 sets of paperwork (e.g. estimated and updated CSS/Profiles, estimated and updated FAFSAs, and of course, federal taxes.)  Some colleges take it a step further, requiring CSS/Profiles, and FAFSAs, and copies of 2010 and 2011 tax returns and W-2 forms as well — just to be sure!

Just as getting a doctor’s billed paid via our country’s amazingly fragmented health insurance bureaucracy can take months, so has the process of paying for college become highly fragmented and bloated.  All this inefficient and redundant paper pushing must keep legions of staff workers busy at colleges, at the College Board and at FAFSA itself.  It has certainly consumed hours of my time.  And it has to be driving up the cost of actually administering financial aid to those who need it.

We keep wondering what happened to the days when kids could work their way through college?  With state college costs passing the $20,000 mark for tuition, room and board, and private colleges topping out at well over $50,000 a year, its impossible for even the most hard working student to pay for much more than books and beer money on their own.

At the end of the financial aid filing process, when estimates have been updated and finalized and schools provide detailed packages in March and April, most middle income families find that their annual EFC (Expected Family Contribution) is much higher than they can possibly afford given mortgages, groceries and the price of gas. After all the paperwork is filed, these students get the privilege of taking out non-subsidized federal student loans at an interest rate of 6.8%, with interest accruing the day the funds are dispersed!!   Private student and parent loans can carry similar or higher rates depending on credit status.  And amazingly, regardless of the student’s intended major or expected post-graduation income, non-government backed student loans can be taken out to cover the entire cost of that $50,000 a year bill, with the interest meter running the whole time the kid is in school.

Even for families with recognized need, many financial aid packages are anchored by loans. We are continually stunned to hear of kids getting out of school owing $1000 or more in MONTHLY student loan payments.  Clearly, this kind of debt burden makes independent living challenging on an entry level salary.

We are working through our FAFSA this weekend, studying merit award offers from our Fledgling’s early action acceptances, pushing the Fledgling to apply for scholarships, and scheming on how to minimize the level of college related debt we all have to take on.  We are also having very realistic conversations about the value of state vs private colleges and setting the bar for what is a reasonable amount of student loans to take on for undergraduate studies.

In the end, our goal is to limit the Fledgling’s debt exposure to no more than what he can reasonably be expected to afford coming out of college.  The rule of thumb that the total student debt shouldn’t be more than your expected starting salary makes sense to us.  The whole reason we are investing in sending our Fledglings to college is to launch them in life and careers.   We want to make sure the Fledglings can fly when they graduate, not boomerang back to the nest.   Student debt is surely a big weight on those young wings, and our goal is to keep it as light as possible while still allowing Mama and Papa Bird to retire when they hit 65.

Are you having similar conversations in your house this FAFSA season?  Will you trade a costly brand name college education for a more affordable option?  Will you defer your retirement so your kids can attend the college of their dreams? Share your stories!

 

Downsizing Daydreams

06. January 2012 · Write a comment · Categories: Downsizing · Tags:

Downsizing DaydreamI’ve been spending a lot of time lately daydreaming about downsizing the Nest.  Ok, full disclosure:  Fledgling #1 hasn’t even figured out which college he is going to attend, and then he still has to actually graduate from high school.  Meanwhile, Fledgling #2 has three more years to go in the Nest.  As a further reality check, Mama Bird and Papa Bird are going to have to work for years to keep paying the college bills, qualify for social security and figure out some hobbies to keep us busy when the nest is really empty.

As a result, my downsizing daydreams are pretty mundance and focus on practical considerations like eliminating the mortgage, reducing property taxes, cutting back the space I need to clean, and simplifying yard care and home maintenance.  I do get a bit envious of fellow baby boomers who had their kids early, cashed out of the stock market at the right time, and now travel the world or have condos in multiple exotic locales where they can live like kings on peanuts a day.  But, like many baby boomers who had kids in their mid to late 30s, and will be working well into their 60s, my downsizing daydreams are simple.

In my mind’s eye I evision the day that the junk truck pulls up and carts away a basement and attic worth of stuff that hasn’t been touched in years!   Of course, that will be at exactly the time that Papa Bird decides he can’t part with the college text books that have sat unused for 30 years and the teens decide that the lifesize stuffed Barney just can’t go!   In my daydreams I talk them down from the heights of separation anxiety and help them gracefully let go of the past.

Beyond plotting how to empty the house, I also find myself frequently checking its value on Zillow as well as looking up the sale prices of nearby homes to get an idea of how much equity we might be able to take out.  That exercise is followed by a leisurely stroll through online real estate listings for ranches and capes with 2 car garages and first floor master suites and a couple of extra bedrooms that can be used as home offices and space for the Fledgings when they return for short visits.

That last thought leads to one of the most important parts of my downsizing daydreams – the Fledglings visit but they don’t move back into the house after college – nope, they stand on their own, triple up with roommates in roach infested apartment buildings if need be, but they get on with their lives.  I’m constantly surprised, and horrified, at how many co-workers and friends who have teens just a few years older than mine say they expect the kids to move back home — or have their college educated kids back in the house even when the kids have great jobs with benefits and paid vacation time.  Seriously, what are these folks thinking?!!

Neither Papa Bird nor I ever considered being boomerang kids and we have long made it clear to our Fledglings that we expect them to make it on their own — even if its not in the style they have been accustomed to for their first 18 years.  My downsizing daydreams most definitely do NOT include doing their laundry or cooking or cleaning up after them – thats for sure!

What are your downsizing daydreams?

 

Welcome to My Half Empty Nest

26. December 2011 · Write a comment · Categories: College · Tags:

Could it be that this is the last year tht all my kids are home for the big holidays?

As Fledgling #1 heads off to college in the fall, will we find that he can’t/won’t make it back to the Nest for Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays or family vacations?

Will he have a life of his own beyond our walls? And why does that idea bring parental birds to tears even as they celebrate 19 years of successful parenting?

Since my kids were born I’ve wanted to make sure they grew up to become independent beings who can stand on their own feet, advocate for themselves and make their good  choices rather than be swayed by the poor decisions of peers.  Even more, I have aimed to make sure they are equipped to earn their own way in the world — and have never entertained the idea that they would want to live in my nest well into their 20s.  So, far, it seems to be working!

Yet, now, as the college acceptances are starting to arrive and its clear that he will be going to college somewhere, the reality of how life at home will change is starting to sink in.  How will we maintain strong relationships while letting the Fledgling become increasingly independent?  How will life at home change with Fledgling #2 takes over the extra room to house her wardrobe and makeup collection?  What will summers be like if he does come home?

Will mom and dad actually take a vacation on their own for the first time in 19 years?  How will we afford the ever rocketing college tuition bills that will hopefully make all this Fledgling independence possible? When/how will we downsize?  How do insurance, medical and legal needs change?  What about social security anyhow?

Its going to be a whole new world that evolves in our Nest over the next several years.  This blog is dedicated to all those parents who like my family, are making the journey to towards The Empty Nest.  I’m just at the beginning of that road.

Even when Fledgling #1 flies off to college, Fledgling #2 will just be entering sophmore year of high school.  Hence, the name of this blog – My Half Empty Nest.   Join me as I learn what life as the parent of independent older teen and young adult kids is really like.

I invite readers to share their stories, insights and helpful hints as we together reinvent our lives.